EXPECTATIONS VS. FEAR
Just a casual weekend and followed by a hectic journey, I was all set to have a restful night, but somehow, I couldn’t sleep. How strange, just before a few hours when I was about to reach my home, I was pretty sure that I am tired enough to have at least a 10-hour sleep and enjoy the weekend. Something was there in mind that is not allowing my eyes to close even though they are tired. What is that?? This is not the first time, I am facing this kind of sleeplessness and I was sure enough to see a doctor for treatment.
Treatment ??? Insomnia ??? But Why?? How can I name my sleeplessness as insomnia, when I know particularly that something is there in my mind for which I can’t sleep? Oh!! I am thinking something. And how strange, I don’t know, that I am thinking about what?
I tried to sought the answer and found that, even if I am at home, my mind is thinking about the works to be done after the weekend. It was strange to find that, even if I was resting, my mind was at work sub-consciously and the reason was the expectations associated with my job. So many expectations !!! Starting from my Boss, to my Colleagues, to my clients, to my Family. “But why the hell, I am suffering to sleep, if these guys are expecting from me”.
I asked myself should I quit the job?
Why not other people are quitting then?
Am I overburdened with work?
Or am I making the work more seriously than others?
These are questions soon followed one after another and the funniest part is I was the person, who was asking and answering both. I got the answer; perhaps there is fear of not being able to perform up to the expectation levels.
Now I understood that it’s not the fault with my Job, but two reasons “Expectations” and “Fear” that is not allowing me to sleep. I took the time from my own and started to sort out to identify the root cause for these two so that my next holidays will not get spoiled like before. What I observed was as under:
To me, Expectation is A psychological concept that describes a state of mind that allows us to stay over alert about the outcomes of our past and present deeds. But commonly all of us relate the word “Expectations” to the Future.
The reason is simple “FEAR”. Fear of Future, fear of Failures are there in sub-conscious mind which stimulates us to measure our present steps and we try to calculate the results and subconsciously try to find, ” If anything goes wrong, what are the other options left, and our ambitious DNA drives us to take those steps to avoid anything wrong.
In our life, we all try to become a winner, to lead an exemplary life and always do better and correct things and if we ask ourselves “WHY”…the strange but true answer is we all simply do not want to be Wrong. This is the reason for “EXPECTATION”.
One more interesting observation about Expectations is that” It is a feeling comes from Inside i.e. within our mind, and yet we treat as an outside agent”. This is nothing but “Procrastination”. Our fearful and over alert mindsets a nexus between ourselves with the rest of the world surrounding us (e.g. Economic and Social environment, Material desires, and every single object related to us). Because we always want to do better than better done by others and the better done by self in the past.
“Rest of the World” and “Surrounded to us” are two terms geographically opposite thoughts, but our fearful mind can only consider the closure objects. It forms a world of its own within its reachable objects, to which it can easily access and monitor.
That’s the reason; we always compete with our friends and fight with our enemies, all of them we know. We never bother about unknown objects or objects that are outside our reachable self designed universe and hence never get any feelings like Zealousness or Insecurity, simply because, when we subconsciously created a world of our own we never considered them.
That is the reason when we get afraid, we are only scared of our Imagined fears, something outside our imagination is simply a matter of interest. I have a few Examples:
When A Boy starts playing initially his mind is unaware of any harmful moves, and once he falls and gets hurt, his subconscious mind alerts him each time and he tries to avoid that move. But this thing goes on until he gets hurt again for some other reason, and each time experiencing with such incidents he develops a fear, that alerts him constantly to take a calculated step.
A similar example applies everywhere, be it the case of learning Driving, Dancing, Swimming, everything. “Expectations” related to “Fear”, since our mind knows “Fear” (learned from experience/events happening within its reachable world) and immediately calculates the other possible options left to rectify the Fear, and it becomes Expectations.
A Player while playing, always carries A Fear with him ( in his subconscious mind) not doing well and also his Material Desires, His Surrounded objects, Personal affections within his reachable World, drives him to play better. (Better than past better or better than his known opponents). And interestingly Expectation and Fear are complementary to each other.
Our Expectation is nothing but our Fear of failure and our Fears are nothing but not meeting our expectations. Yet we all treat our Expectations as an outside agent because we imagine our Better performance in the eyes of other people located in our surrounded world.
A Motor Driver doesn’t have any fear of losing the Motor race from a Jet Pilot, as his fear is associated within the world of Motor Vehicles only, and when he thinks he’ll do better, he never thinks to go pass a Jetplane rather he always keeps in mind to go pass his earlier speed or to go pass another Motor Driver.
During the Study of Mind, I observed that once our mind reads the moves of its Sub-conscious mind, it is mature enough to identify its Fears and Expectations and thus it can control its moves. Many more Cases of Frustrations, Hypertension, Anxiety, Stress, etc are because, we were not able or not focused on reading our Sub-Conscious mind, and thus were became the victims of unknown Fears and Over expectations.
Even I too had faced the problems of High Anxiety. Expectations and Fear as I said are Complementary and can occur simultaneously, but one has to identify these two states of mind and maintain a proper balance to control both of them and lead a successful life.
AUTHOR: SRIKANT PATTANAYAK
EMAIL: [email protected]